Rogue's Gallery

Rogue's Gallery is a song released on 17 July 2020 by The Stupendium.

Description
Need historical masterworks at cut-rate prices? Come on down to Crazy Redd's Treasure Trawler!

Your one-stop-shop for the finest in genuine*, authentic** paintings and statues!


 * May not be authentically genuine


 * May not be genuinely authentic

In Animal Crossing: New Horizons Blathers needs you to fill the museum gallery. Fortunately for you Crazy Redd is at your service, providing inexplicable access to the world’s greatest masterpieces. Probably... ..Sometimes. ...So there's a chance they MIGHT be slightly less and 100% the real deal. But for THOSE prices? How can you argue?

Okay everyone, I promise this is the last one! At least for now. When I first decided to do an Animal Crossing song I struggled to pick between Tom Nook, Blathers and Redd. But after the first turned out to be so popular I decided it might be fun to try a little trilogy! So here is the concluding part of 'The Stupendium Animal Crossing Trilogy'.

I tried to do something again quite different for this song, I wanted to make sure all three Animal Crossing songs on the channel were very distinct from one another. During lock-down my housemate and I became obsessed with watching huge compilations of old 70s and 80s TV commercials, often bad local infomercials captured on worn out tape. So this video is own little tribute to that. 'What if Redd had made his own low budget commercial and we found the old VHS tape?'

...Also, it's a full-on rap number. In the past I've done a lot of heavy character work and on occasion I've gotten real rappy but I’ve never really tried doing both at once. So this was me trying to do as many interesting flows whilst staying in character. Did I succeed? You be the judge, cousin!

Huge thanks to my patrons for making this video possible, I think it takes the record for the most costumes I've worn in a single video! Thanks to Dansonn for yet another fantastic beat, Oxygen for another stellar mix and to Lizzy for all of her help putting the video together!

Lyrics
I may not look it, but I went to an art school y’know

And I stole like, 8 tubes of acrylic before I tripped the alarm

Anywho... What can I do for ya pal?

You look like a fine, upstanding island representative

The kind to understand an enterprise when he’s presented with

Access to a wonderland of fine authentic decoratives

Accept that there’s just a chance you might detect they’re edited

It’s nothing underhanded, why it’s simple etiquette

Someone’s gotta lose or else a price is not competitive

I may be discredited but you need some art exhibits

And I’m the only guy upon this island who is selling it

Got a little bit of post-impressionism neoclassical surrealism art nouveau

But if you hit me with a host of questions, quizzing, be all asking if it's real? Well it's hard to know

But it probably is. Would I lie to you?

After all we're cousins! I've decided! Ooh!

You want a statue?

I got a whole load in this old boat

If they don't go then the hull might smash through

Satisfaction guaranteed

No retractions, no receipts

Refund laws may stand on land

But not transactions planned at sea

So if you’ve a gallery

Lacking in a masterpiece

Head down to the beach

I wouldn’t cheat ya pal, we’re family

You want the Venus De Milo for Nook Miles? Oh please

Think a Donatello’s gonna fall out of an oak tree?

Think another barge is gonna barge in, back end of your garden

With a better bargain? There won’t be.

Got a sweet deal on a real Michelangelo

Go to a guy in a van for my Van Goghs

Can't be picky when you're picking a Picasso

Doesn't even matter when you're painting where your hand goes

Screw your turnips I can turn a profit taking turns

At taking Turners and turning them to takings –

Earning Paper from discerning patrons

No returns or trade-ins

All these bargains I got for yous

Here's a Lautrec that I'd hate Toulouse

Buy it! You ain’t got all day to peruse

Try it and I’ll make you pay per the view

You haven't got the money for a Manet or Matisse

But I probably got a Monet, you can have it on the cheap

I got Millet by the million, it’s more than I can keep

So you really better buy ‘em or I’ll toss ‘em in the deep

You bought your Hieronymus Bosch outright?

Gosh, how nice. – Want advice?

You coulda bought a lotta Botticellis

From the fella at the jetty for a knock-down price

Kandinsky? Can-do-ski!

Got a line on a fine one back in New Leaf

Got a whole back room of own-brand Rembrandts

Here’s a Vermeer! (Don’t look at the jewellery)

All the greatest artists ever known

Sailing round your archipelago

Who needs authentication when there’s a saving?

Owl’s on his way? Then I’d better go

HOO! What!

Upon close examination, of this painting I have grave news to share with you…

This work of art…. Is a FAKE!

What kind of wretched SCOUNDREL would commit such fraudulent forgery to canvas!?

Satisfaction guaranteed

No retractions, no reciepts

Refund laws may stand on land

But not transactions planned at sea

So if you’ve a gallery

Lacking in a masterpiece

Head down to the beach

I wouldn’t cheat ya’ pal, we’re family

Can’t afford all the money I charge?

Forgery? Nah it’s a loving homage

Felon I’m not, I’m a renaissance fox

Honestly only a little at large

So don’t be frugal, buy that Bruegel

I got Degas for days

Cézannes in season

Sure, that Seurat would look great at your place

‘Cuz I got a lotta costs to offset

Spent a lotta dollar on that Bob Ross box set

So any members of the management

Might have a happy little accident if they object

To my entrepreneurial oeuvre

Largely consisting of raiding the Louvre

Taking the paintings and tracing the loot

Then passing the savings directly to you

Often my copies are just so convincing I’ll

Quite accidentally sell the original

Though letting residents purchase the evidence

Saves me from shredding ‘em, plus they’re the criminal

Say I’m a fake and it hurts

Say I’m just after a way to your purse

Say that to my face? You’ll save on the hearse

You don’t need a wake for a Damien Hirst

So if your podunk little home wants cultural acclaim

There’s just one choice of vendor, friend and Crazy Redd’s the name

But if you are dissatisfied and someone gets the blame

You can canvas all my customers, they’ll tell ya

I was framed!