The Most Fashionable Faction

The Most Fashionable Faction is a song released on 30 October 2020 by The Stupendium.

Description
In Valve's now iconic 'Team Fortress 2' they created the world's first War-themed Hat Simulator. Two teams of RED and BLU mercenaries battle it out across countless warzones with intense firepower and fine head-based tailoring. Somewhere behind all of this is some sort of deep conspiracy with two warring factions, corporate intrigue and muscular hirsute Australians. But really we know it's all about the hats.

Harry101UK and I have been talking about this project for YEARS but I actually wrote it before we'd even met, long before I was ever recording music. If memory serves, I'm fairly certain that this song was the first rap I ever wrote. The earliest recorded demo of this song dates back to 2016 but the lyrics had existed for at least 2-3 years before that. Of course I've been back through and updated the lyrics a bit to reflect 6+ years of writing and music experience. (the old beat I originally wrote to was almost half the speed, so some lyrics had to be streamlined to make them say-able!) The Engy and the Medic got the biggest re-writes, because the Engy lyrics were a total tongue twister that was unsayable at this speed and because I'd actually already recycled the Medic's original verse to be used in my Surgeon Simulator song.

I moved house recently and knew I'd have to take several weeks off from working on videos to do so, so now seemed like the perfect time to resurrect this project and have someone else make a video for me for the first time. And who better than the magnificent Harry101UK? We'd been talking about the idea of doing this project for the longest time and I'm so grateful to Harry for stepping up and spending the last couple of months to make this incredible animation.

And I'm equally grateful to my amazing Patrons who funded the project! Thank you to every one of you. I'm immensely proud of this video and I'm thrilled to be able to share it with you all after so many years!

Lyrics
SCOUT:

Watch out! The scout's out and about.

Running around, bringing bonks right down on your scalp

Do you even know who you're talking to here?

I'm a streak of greased lightning, keep fighting for years

I'm a stunner, number one run and gunner

My beats bring the heat 'cause I'm a sweet double jumper

Your finger’s on the trigger but before you get to pull it

I'll take a sip of fizz and go whizzing past your bullets

I'm on it like a rocket on a course to freakin' pound ya

Call me Super-Sonic 'cause I'm running rings around ya

I'm a dab hand with a sandman

I'm the baddest in the badlands

I'm a speed freak on a kill streak

See a blur and then it's bang bang

DEMO:

I'm the Demo! Explosions are my M.O.

Tyrant from the highlands getting violent on the bellows

The only thing more volatile than me would be my ammo

I'll leave you blown to pieces while my piece is screaming blammo

Did this have whisky in or was it nitroglycerine?

I'll find out on the way out if I'm spouting flaming p*ss again

'Cause if I live another day my liver might go anyway

And I'd rather go in glory so in war I won't be giving in

I suffer for my art

I've got sulphur on the heart

This tartan Spartan's gonna tear you apart.

Fire shots at the Cyclops, it never ends well

Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together in hell

SNIPER:

Zoom, red dot

Boom, headshot

Your head's got a new lead clot

Bring you to a dead stop, leave you with your head popped

Another target on the list that can be checked off

'Cause on a mission I am viciously efficient

My vitals just my rifle and a set of jars to p*ss in

When it comes to assassins you could say I'm high-calibre

Yanking my machete from your head like it's Excalibur

No mercy mercenary, I'll take you down like cattle when

My true forte's in 2Fort playing blood sports on the battlements

Spray your brain before you know what's happening

Safe to say, no way that you'll be wearing hats again

If you’re seeing red or you’re feeling blue

If you wanna bust caps and wear them too

If you like warfare in stylish headear

Well have we got the game for you

No there isn’t any greater

Military millinery simulator

We fight all day to find out who’s

The most fashionable faction in TF2

SOLDIER: Listen up ‘cause I won’t say it again

You'd better not be sissies because war is not a game!

Unless of course it's war games, then I’m all for games

Hope you're keeping score because numerate I sure ain't!

I am good at fighting, ask Sun Tzu

I taught him all he knows in the art of Shovel Fu

Way back in ancient China when I met him one night

He said Soldier’s really cool and the best at winning fights

Now I win all the fight money wherever I go

'Cause my rockets go BOOM then you explode

Now, the army told me that I was crazy

But I wrote this song so I’m clearly amazing

SPY:

Gentlemen, it won't be gentle when

I sneak into your base and steal the faces of your helpless friends

Stealing your briefcase really was a brief case

You think you're smart but I have the intelligence

Be a man! Why do you have to die screaming?

I shoot you, take the loot and take my suit for dry cleaning.

I’m not cheating you ignorant swine

I creep in and sneak things right into your spine

When I fight with my butterfly it stings like a bee

So tonight tell your mother 'hi', give her a kiss from me

I'm debonair with deadly flair, I'm anyone and anywhere

The face your mother wakes to is the last you'll ever see

HEAVY:

I am heavy weapons guy

I make puny babies cry

Want to live? Rule one:

Don't. Touch. My. Gun.

May be slow, no need to rush ya

When i'm rolling with Natascha

Fill you dead with holes we crush ya

Leave you cold like snow in Russia.

That's puny gun! I punch more damage!

Chew you up for lunch like sandvich

Think you can outrun me? Prove it

I'd like to see you outrun bullet

If you’re seeing red or you’re feeling blue

If you wanna bust caps and wear them too

If you like warfare in stylish headwear

Well have we got the game for you

No there isn’t any greater

Military millinery simulator

We fight all day to find out who’s

The most fashionable faction in TF2

ENGINEER:

Howdy! The engineer’s in the field

Farm boy charm with a megaton yield

I’ve got a cranium laced with uranium

Dispense your offense with the weapons I wield

I'm hot stuff, ‘cause I’ve a hundred degrees

So if you boil my blood you’ll get burned on Steam

I'm over qualified to leave you nullified and tan your sorry hide

You'd better run and hide or die by my machines

Just a friendly Engy

Preventing entry with a deadly sentry

Each practical problem I solve, my skill mounts

The only thing higher than my IQ is my kill count

PYRO:

Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!

Emboldened scolding folds of red and gold are my desire!

Its my sacred duty, keep the beauty burning higher

Leave you dismembered in the embers, every felling swells the pyre!

I'm a terror from the nether, something that you've never seen

With a charcoal soul, heart pumping kerosene

You've met your match you'll be a charred patch on the floorboards

I'll strike a match and strike the match off of the scoreboard

What's it matter if my brain's deranged when I snuff you out?

Boy, does it look lovely out! Candy canes and fluffy clouds!

Racking up the kills as I’m cranking up the grill

Easy to blow you away when you're just powder

MEDIC: Got a little headache? You'd better call the Medic!

Were you wanting anesthetic? Really don’t be so pathetic

That burning is a bird within your sternum that snuck in whilst I was working

But I think a bloody dove is quite a lovely aesthetic

You grazed your knee? Well it seems to me

You need invasive exploratory surgery

See I may have a little uncertainty

Between patient, Specimen? It’s a blur to me.

Get the point of my syringes at your hiney

I’ll Übercharge and buff you 'til you're shiny

I could fix you quick with my medi-gun

The procedure is painless but that’s no fun…

If you’re feeling blue or you’re seeing red

If what’s on your mind’s what’s on your head

Who wants to battle

When there’s catalogues of hats to browse instead?

It’s not how far you push the cart

What matters is the noble art

Of dressing heads in dandy threads

To wear whilst you are blown apart

If you’re seeing red or you’re feeling blue

If you wanna bust caps and wear them too

If you like warfare in stylish headwear

Well have we got the game for you

No there isn’t any greater

Military millinery simulator

We fight all day to find out who’s

The most fashionable faction in TF2